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Criminal: Hackers, Memory-Implants & Escaped Convicts in Messy Action Thriller
Despite a relatively entertaining performance from Kevin Costner in what proves to be one of the actor's most violent roles in recent years, there's very little fun to be found with Ariel Vromen's Criminal; an illogical action-thriller that turns its already senseless premise – featuring a prominent sci-fi concept – into a run-of-the mill actioner that lacks the necessary drive and originality to make any sort of impact.
Scripted by Douglas Cook and David Weisberg – the writing duo behind 90's action-thrillers such as Rock and Double Jeopardy – Criminal opens with the murder of CIA agent Bill Pope (Reynolds), by thugs working for self-proclaimed Spanish anarchist, Heimbahl (Molla), as he tries to find the whereabouts of a hacker by the name of Dutchman (Pitt) who claims to have gained full control over all U.S military weapons and is now waiting to sell the info to the highest bidder.
CIA boss, Quaker Wells (the seemingly loud Gary Oldman), subsequently reaches out to Dr. Franks (the seemingly uninterested Jones); a medical scientist working for the agency whose very special experimental procedure – that just so happens to transplant memories into a damaged brain - might be their only way to find out Dutchman's location, before anyone else can get to him. Selecting an incarcerated criminal named Jericho Stewart (Costner) as their guinea pig, the deceased Pope's memories are injected into the lawbreaker, who soon after the procedure, decides to escape, only to find that the procedure has effected him in ways he could have never imagined.
Car chases and gun fights are aplenty, though there isn't much conviction behind the punches thrown, with the film quickly turning into paint-by-numbers action flick which just gets messier as the minutes go by. Performance wise, Costner offers a reliable tough-guy act and it's quite refreshing to see the veteran actor break away from his usual placid side-roles. Meanwhile, both Oldman – shouting his way through the scenery – and Jones – looking particularly miserable - end up providing one of their worst performances to date. Reynolds is not clear of the ridicule either whilst Gad, as Pope's widow, is criminally underused.
Your ability to forsake logic and suspend a good portion of disbelief is a definite plus when going in to watch the Criminal as that might be the only way to even be remotely entertained by its ridiculous premise.
Marking the fifth instalment in the Underworld franchise, Blood Wars rests in the hands of a first-time feature director, Anna Foerster who, although managing to create a few notable moments of action, fails to bring any ingenuity or freshness to its now exhausted vampires-versus-werewolves narrative.
The story begins with a brief recap of events from the last four films where we learn that everyone’s favourite vampire death dealer, Selena (once again fully embraced by the leather-clad, forever sulking Kate Beckinsale) has been betrayed and banished by her kind.
Still trying to cope with the pain of having given up her vampire-werewolf hybrid daughter Eve for everyone’s safety, Selena is surprised to be summoned back into the vampire community - now led by the scheming Semira (Pulver) - who wish to make use of her skills in order to train the new generation of fighters, while still escaping her own chasers and searching for her daughter.
Taking quite a bit of time to get going, Blood Wars – written by Cory Goodman – is filled with lots of politics and nonsensical dialogue between characters who seemingly have a hard time in conveying any emotion, thus, making it all that difficult for the viewer to get invested in what they have to say. Drenched in a seemingly cold, metallic-blue tint, Blood Wars – although certainly not heavy on the action front – does manage to offer a couple relatively exciting action set-pieces. However, considering that this is a vampires-verses-werewolves kind of a movie, there just isn’t enough of that that specific mythology to set it apart from any other action movies – no wooden stakes or silver bullets to see here folks, just plenty of swirling swords and guns that can’t hurt anyone.
Another problem here is that the mythology behind the franchise in general – something the keeps spinning around aimlessly with no real focus or ending in sight – is a little hard to take seriously.
All of the characters, including the PVC-wearing Kate Beckinsale, who thinks that scowling her way through the scenes will get her anywhere, are all without an ounce of charm or personality – which sadly, brings us to a conclusion that there is no fun to be had in this rather forgettable cinematic offering and generic continuation of a franchise which, perhaps, might be ready now to close its doors and call it a day.
What can you say about the seemingly unstoppable force that is Nicolas Cage that hasn’t been said before? A magnet for the most troubled, muddled and just generally exasperating films to hit cinemas in the last five years, his latest work in USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage does nothing to change his fortunes.
Despite being based on one a true story that has all the makings of a war epic, the Mario Van Peebles-directed USS Indianapolis bleeds all and any gravitas and emotion out of its incredibly dramatic source material.
The story goes as thus: the eponymous US Navy cruiser delivered the first parts of the atomic bomb that would go on to devastate Hiroshima, before being torpedoed by the Japanese navy, leaving some 300 of the 1000-plus crewmen dead and the rest stranded in shark-infested waters. Said sharks, along with dehydration and salt water poisoning, leave just over 300 survivors to be rescued.
At the centre of the ensuing hubbub is Cage’s Captain McVay, who many, very unreasonably, blame for the death of the 700 or so victims – so you see, it’s a very complex story, but one that very quickly descend into and exercise on how not to make a war film.
The occasional laughable CGI aside, Cage is oddly sedate, bordering on placid, in his role – yes, the central character is possibly the flattest element of the film, while seasoned actors, Tom Sizemore and Thomas Jane, are given little to chew on in their respective roles.
While starting exactly as one would expect a war film to, the wreckage part of the film turns into cheap disaster movie, before turning into a courtroom drama in the final act. It’s a muddle of a film that fails to really drum to the beat of McVay’s potentially brilliant arc as a firm commander that eventually buckles under the unjust pressure he receives back at home.
Bad CGI, a mammoth two hour-plus running time and Nic Cage can be forgiven, but what’s at the heart of this film’s mess is the script. Jumping from event to event, plotline to plotline, at a whim, with Cage’s soft murmured speech used to pave over the transitions, USS Indianapolis’s pacing is that of a film hurrying to stuff as many ideas and threads as possible – expect that’s not the case. Van Peebles tries so hard to build the layers of an epic, when, actually, all he needed to do was tell this simple but stirring story as it is.