The Definitive Guide to Living in the Capital , Cairo , Egypt

It’s becoming harder and harder to find a horror movie that manages to shock you to your very core – or at least a film that can truly overcome the usual limitations of small budgets, mediocre acting and slapdash directing.

Unfortunately, despite horror being as prolific a genre as ever, there doesn’t seem to be any hope in sight, with Robert Legato’s  Eloise amounting to an overly-ambitious, generic and painfully ineffective exercise of scares that results in a disappointing straight-to-DVD release dud.

The story starts with an opening text crawl informing us about an eastern Michigan mental institution named Eloise – an actual facility that was built back in the 1830’s.  Although it stood for 150 years, the facility was shut in 1982 due to a devastating fire.  It also goes on to say that it was rumoured to have participated in some inhumane medical testing and treatment which were supervised and overseen by eerie-looking psychiatrist, Dr. H.H Greiss (Patrick).

Moving to the present, the story introduces us to Jacob (Crawford); a young garage owner who has just learned that his father has died and left him a sizeable amount of money behind.  However, in order to get his hands on the money, he first must prove the death of his aunt who was committed to the Eloise institution sometime in the 60’s. After finding out that the death-certificate is probably stored somewhere in the now shut-down facility, he recruits a much of his friends to help. Unfortunately for them, the getting-in part is easy, but leaving the facility, which soon comes to life, is not.

 The only thing that Eloise can be given credit for is that it was at least smart enough to stay away from the over-saturated found-footage format.  However, that decision alone isn’t enough to save the movie from its own slow and painful demise with the ambitious storyline – which not only involves a series of clichéd  jump scares and weird supernatural sightings but also a puzzling time machine that transports the characters into the institution’s past – failing to provide anything innovative or original to this tested-and-tried setting.

It also doesn’t help that the protagonists aren’t really equipped for this game of lunacy and ghosts with Gossip Girl heartthrob, Chace Crawford, proving to be a an underwhelming choice for a lead whilst, Patrick, as the dubious doctor with Masters in torture, overplays his hand at every turn.

All in all, it’s not a good day at the movies with Eloise, which although at times handsomely shot, doesn’t really provide enough shock or gore for fans to sink their teeth into.