The Three Musketeers: Highly Illogical but Pretty Badass Adventure
Christoph WaltzJames Corden...
Action & AdventureRomance
Paul W. S. Anderson
In 0 Cinemas
D’Artagnan (Lerman) is a poor country boy and son of a former musketeer
with dreams of following in his father’s footsteps. He goes to Paris to join
the musketeers, where he meets Athos (Macfadyen), Porthos (Stevenson) and
Aramis (Evans), the three musketeers who inform him that their golden era is
over due to the lack of any real rallying cause. So they fritter away their
time drinking and picking petty fights with the Cardinal’s (Waltz) guards while
pining away for the days of yore. However, glory returns when the queen
(Temple) discovers the Cardinal’s diabolical plan to break out a war between
France and England so that he can seize the throne from the young, incompetent
king (Fox). She turns to the musketeers to thwart his plan and save
There are some gaping plot holes and near-zero character consistency
here. For example, how does the queen go from being a Marie Antoinette,
let-them-eat-cake type airhead to knowing about the Cardinal’s master plan? Then
you have the blatant set up for a sequel. While this has become common practice
in many films nowadays, this one just about knocks you over with its lack of
As for the cast; with a script like this, they’re fighting a losing
battle. It’s like they were ordered to play their parts with an exaggerated
amount of theatricality and flamboyance; and honestly only Lerman is able to
pull it off without coming off as campy (Jovovich), constipated (Temple) or
drunk (Bloom). To sum up, the film is filled with a bunch of bad Jack Sparrow
impressions, which only results in a heightened appreciation for Johnny Depp.
The sword fights are the undisputable highlight of the film. They’re
truly epic and while the film suffers the typical fast cuts and rapid editing, you can –
for the most part – actually see the sword tricks, which are beautifully
choreographed and really nicely shot. In addition, Jovovich’s master assassin
stunts are pretty badass and out of all the film’s warriors, she, in her
ringlets, ball gowns and corsets, is the most lethal.
Lerman is a close runner-up in the battle of the highlights. His
D’Artagnan is cocky, over-confident and reckless but he’s very believable as a
young idealist who believes in love, honour and the ideals of the musketeers.
He restores the musketeers’ faith in themselves while reminding them of the
amount of fun they once had. He revives them and pulls them out of their funk.
The Three Musketeers is filled with beautiful costumes and sets, awesome
swordfights and a pretty awesome airship fight, which are all eclipsed by a
distractingly illogical story. So switch off your brain before you watch it and
who knows, maybe its lack of coherence won’t be so glaring.