The Definitive Guide to Living in the Capital , Cairo , Egypt

Cairo is home to a ton of fun activities and, despite its packed streets and abundantly loud noises, it still manages to steal our hearts. Whether it’s the growing nightlife scene, the abundance of amazing concerts and events, or the ever-booming food scene, we just can’t seem to get enough. All that being said, there are a lot of things we wish would change about our beloved capital. Today, we invite you all to imagine with us, on the beauty of April Fool’s Day, what were to happen if these seven things were actually true.

1.Where did all the traffic go?

Starting this April, all roads have been redesigned to fit the humongous amount of non-polluting and quiet cars with their highly competent and polite drivers. Going from Zamalek to Mohandessin will take the expected 5-10 minutes instead of the previous 30-40 minutes. No more sleeping atop 15 May Bridge waiting for cars to move

2. Using public transportation has become better than driving a car. 

You can enjoy comfortable seats that are always available on both public buses and on board the metro cars, all while you enjoy state-of-the-art features, like a phone application that allows you to access departure and arrival times.

3. What sexual harassment? 

Rejoice females of the Great Capital! A beam of moral energy has been unleashed from the skies, and all harassment genes have melted away, assimilating into a thick slug of mental problems and inferiority complexes, flowing into our well-drained streets. Also, those who’ve somehow managed to keep their bad cells will be justly prosecuted and punished.

4. I can’t believe it’s not bureaucracy!

Government employees will now be performing their job duties during their working hours. This has come as a result of a change of heart that saw employees in the public sector realise that they’re at work and not at a community club. They’ve also decided that a more efficient work flow means that they would face less difficulty doing their job, and that if people finalise their documents faster, they, as employees, would work less hours.

5. Look around, garbage is nowhere to be found.

Garbage vs the People has been settled, and the tough hand of justice has struck in our favour. Laws and legislations have all been implemented to rid our streets of junk and trash, leaving more space for cars, pedestrians, and odorless air.

6. People have decided to mind their own business.

There’s been a total and widespread realisation across Egypt that it’s not nice to prey on people’s personal business. Investigative and invasive questions have been erased from our dictionary, and Egyptian necks will fail in curiously swaying to sneak a peek from someone else’s phone.

7. The need for microbuses & tok-toks has been eliminated. 

After the unexpected renovation of public transportation, microbus and tok-tok drivers have decided to put down their cape. They were the heroes Cairo deserved, but not the ones it needs right now.

 

Cairo, we still love you, we’d just love you a bit more if just one of the things on this list were true.