The Definitive Guide to Living in the Capital , Cairo , Egypt

Theseus (Cavill) is a Greek mortal. Born to a single mother as a result
of a rape, his social status in his village is slightly lower than the donkeys’.
His village is next in line in King Hyperion’s (Rourke) search for the
legendary Epirus Bow, the only weapon that can free the Titans and kill the
Gods. Hyperion and his army arrive at Theseus’ village killing a whole bunch of
people including Theseus’ mother and kidnapping Phaedra (Pinto), the virgin
oracle. Unable to intervene in human affairs until the Titans are unleashed,
the gods are reduced to subtly prodding Theseus in the right direction on his
quest to slay Hyperion and avenge his mother.

The best that can be said about the actors is that they’re ridiculously
beautiful and blend into the gorgeous sets perfectly. They’re not completely to
blame though as the dialogue overloaded with  clichés, and lines such as ‘your actions make
you immortal’ are repeated ad nauseam. The story makes little sense and you
never really understand why Hyperion is so pissed off at the gods in the first
place. Is he simply bloodthirsty or is this a case of atheism gone extremist?
And if he doesn’t believe in the gods, why is he searching for their bow? And
why does Phaedra undergo a complete character transformation in the space of
five minutes? Do Theseus’ abs really have that much power over her? There are a
lot of ‘whys’ in the film and hardly any of them are answered satisfactorily
but, luckily enough, the visuals are pretty distracting.

Immortals is all about the
spectacle. All that’s important about the story is that it concerns Greek gods,
Titans and war. And while it really is nothing to write home about, the visuals
are absolutely spellbinding. In fact, it’s so gorgeous that even Mickey Rourke
looks reasonably good. The gods, all clad in gold, seem to glow with an
otherworldly light, the sets are breathtaking, the minotaurs and Titans ooze
evil and the film’s battle scenes are excellent. One particular scene of such
nature will have you picking your jaw up off of the floor on your way out of
the cinema.

While it clearly strives for the ‘epic’ label, Immortals falls far short of it. It does, however, earn the
distinction of being the most gorgeous and most brutal 3D film made thus far.
Honestly, it’s worth a watch for the visuals alone, just don’t think about the
story too much.